


I Can't Love You

by MuseofDeduction



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Breaking up the OTP, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-07
Updated: 2014-12-07
Packaged: 2018-02-28 12:37:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2732837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MuseofDeduction/pseuds/MuseofDeduction
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's because I love you that you have to hate me. It's because I love you that I can't keep being with you. . . After all, 'Tis better to have loved and lost Than never to have loved at all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Can't Love You

_I still remember our first date. Back in third year, don’t you remember? I had asked you out on a dare, but you said no. This motivated me to keep trying until you said yes. We had so much fun, didn’t we? It was nice. I can’t say I was in love. I can’t love someone like that, I was never taught how to._

_You were my first girlfriend and became a very good friend, even after we had broken up. We were young, silly, not really looking for something too deep. I wasn’t anyways, I’m not too sure about you._

_Years passed by, we both dated other people, stayed close friends, and then seventh year rolled by. A lot had changed since third year. I still dated, you still dated, but something was off. I hated it whenever you would walk off with some guy. I wasn’t jealous, that’s crazy. Isn’t it?_

_I tried to brush it off and continued with my usual routine. I would’ve gone on like that, except that James and Remus had so kindly pointed out that I was in love. I scoffed at that. Me, Sirius Black, in love? Insane, isn’t it?_

_I admit it now, whatever I felt, it was love. So I asked you out again. And you said yes, and everything was right with the world. Well, not right, there was a war going on, but everything was a lot brighter. We kept dating even after school was over._

_It’s been three years since we started dating again. It has been an amazing three years, maybe the best of my life. I really am in love with you. It’s shocking, but I am. I love you so much. But that is why I have to do this. I have to break up with you. I have to break your heart. It should be easy for me, shouldn’t it? I’ve broken so many hearts that I’ve lost count. Why does it hurt so much now?_

_It’s because I love you that you have to hate me. It’s because I love you that I can’t keep being with you. It’s all because I love you more than anything. I would die for you. But I don’t want you to die for me._

_My family is insane; you’ve heard the stories about Bellatrix. You don’t have any idea what she can do. She can do much worse than she’s been accused for. What if she went after you to get to me? You mean so much to me, I just can’t risk it. If I told you this, you would argue about it, saying that James, Remus, Lily and Peter are in the same amount of danger, have the same risk. I love them, but it’s different from the way I love you. I never learned to love until I met you. That’s why I won’t tell you._

_I’ll just break your heart._

_I love you Marlene._

**. . .**

Sirius sat on the couch, head in hands. Everything had worked out perfectly. Nothing could hurt more. He shook his head and got up, grabbing his jacket. A visit to James’ would distract him. Besides, it was Sunday. He couldn’t miss lunch with Mum and Dad. Technically they were James’ parents, but treated him like their own.

A knock at the door pulled Sirius out of his thoughts. He opened it and his heart stopped for a moment. There stood Marlene, as beautiful as ever.

It was obvious that she was still furious about yesterday, he could see it in her eyes. “Where’s my stuff?” She asked coldly. Sirius motioned to a box in the corner. Marlene grabbed it quickly. “Listen, Marlene—“

“No. Just no Sirius. Not a word.” He could hear the tears in her voice, even though her back was to him, and wanted nothing more than to go and hug her, tell her it was all fake and how much he loved her. But he watched her walk away.

When James showed up at Sirius’ flat, he found his friend on the couch, staring blankly at the floor. Never had he seen his friend so broken.

**. . .**

“Why Sirius? Why did you cheat on me?” Marlene finally asked after an Order meeting one day. The first words she had said to him in a year without the others, and it had to be those specific words.

Sirius put up the mask of emotionless that he had learned so well when he was younger and looked her in the eye. It would hurt him more than it would hurt her, but it had to be said.

“Because I couldn’t love you Marlene. I didn’t love you. I never did.” Sirius walked away quickly, not sticking around to hear her reply.

**. . .**

_I never learned to love, until I met you._

Sirius refused to cry at Marlene’s funeral. After everything he had gone through, he was still alive and she was dead. Once everyone had left, he kneeled at the grave and let a few tears escape his facade.

“I never stopped loving you. I tried to keep you safe. I’m sorry,” He whispered, head bowed.

He would never love again.

**. . .**

_“Tis better to have loved and lost  
Than never to have loved at all.”_


End file.
